Surviving Spring Break.

Gah. It’s Spring Break this week. Day One in fact. I have already almost pulled out my hair and disowned my offspring… and it’s only 3 in the afternoon. I don’t know how I used to take having both kids home all day in stride and come out with a smile on my face. I have been a stay at home for eight years, and this year both of my kiddos are in either half day or full day school. I must have forgotten how it all feels to have the children at home all day with no plans.

Okay, so maybe I didn’t prepare shit for them to do. But they are self sufficient little ladies and can figure this stuff out all on their own… right? Three years ago before the big one went to school I simply had all day planned out with stuff for them to do. The little one was… well… little and honestly didn’t need anything more than some cheerios and a stuffed animal. The big one had coloring books out the ass and toys spilling into the every room of the house.

Now these little jerks are older. They fight CONSTANTLY. We obviously have nothing good for them to eat, they just want to lay there like bumps and watch mindless crap on Netflix. Guys. It’s DAY ONE and I have already banished them outside like Romeo from fair Verona. Seventeen fights over the remote and ice cubes and I lost my shit. I barely got anything done today because I was constantly taking chips out of hands, getting the dog untwisted from a blanket, fixing a clogged toilet, finding lost sandals that were literally right in front of a child’s face.

Its Arizona. Where we live it’s Satan’s Taint Hot.

I literally said “Y’all get out of my house right now before I burn this place to the ground”. These two girls looked at me like I spoke gibberish and said “no, it’s hot”. Mother Fuckers, I know it’s hot. Its Arizona. Where we live it’s Satan’s Taint Hot. Go play with the hose or something.  I didn’t say that out loud I promise. It was more of a low growl and a stomped foot that really got their asses in gear.

It’s quiet now in my little abode, and as I sit here with my calming oils diffusing I am devising a plan to make it through the next week. I will be kicking the kids out of the house and leaving water out for them to drink. Perhaps I will lock the doors, I don’t know we will see. I have scheduled three hours to actually work, and have picked out a few books to read outside while they are playing to make it appear I actually give a shit about their outside activities. The books are so I can ignore their existence for a few brief moments of adulting.

My books for the Week are :

Start by Jon Acuff

Tribes by Seth Godin


In The Company of Women by Grace Bonney

I will survive day one. Maybe I’ll even survive day two. Who knows. Maybe tomorrow they will wake up happy to be alive and start the beautiful day by finding their own underwear and won’t fight over who got the pink bowl. Maybe.